


Chat: Bat Boys™

by cazei



Series: dcu by cazei [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Batfamily Feels, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 04:38:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15622710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazei/pseuds/cazei
Summary: Conner: Tim told me not to talk to you.Definitely Jason: About Timothy. We need to talk.-tim: JASON “WE NEED TO TALK”--The Bat Boys, Wayne Kids, and more have chats, and they do not use them for the greater good. This can depend on what side of the screen you're on.





	Chat: Bat Boys™

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy this dumpster fire
> 
> i tried to be as obvious as possible, but in case ur confused:
> 
> rr - red robin  
> hood. - red hood  
> golden child - nightwing  
> blood son - damian

**Chat** **: Bat Boys™**

 **Members** **: rr, Blood Son, Golden Child, Hood.**

 

**(5:09 A.M.) rr is Online**

 

**rr**

hey guys, its me

has anyoen found a lead on the joker venom case in west gotham?

 

**(7:45 A.M.) Golden Child is Online**

 

**Golden Child**

Nothing yet why?

 

**rr**

just curious,, was trying to log some files

lemme know

 

**Golden Child**

Of course.

Have you been up since patrol?

 

**rr**

no

 

**(7:51 A.M.) Blood Son is Online**

 

**Blood Son**

He’s lying, DG.

 

**rr**

NO NAMES

 

**Golden Child**

Yes, someone is going to hack your secure network, RR, and manage to find me based on my initials. Thanks for your concern.

 

**rr**

i feel so attacked rn

 

**(7:55) Hood. is Online**

 

**Golden Child**

Everyone’s here!

 

**Hood.**

This entire chat is a security risk.

I just wanted to tell you to leave Tim alone.

 

**rr**

thnxs!

 

**Hood.**

No.

 

**rr**

ok .

 

**Golden Child**

Anyhow… Switch phones. I have a proposition.

 

**Hood.**

No.

 

-

 

 **Chat** **: Bruce Wayne’s Abundance of Orphans**

 **Members** **: Dick!, tim, Not Jason Todd He’s Dead, Cass, Damian Wayne**

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

What do you want, Dickhead?

 

**Damian Wayne**

Vulgarity, Todd. Not surprised.

 

**Dick!**

Hey now.

 

**tim**

youre an allstar, get your game on, go play

 

**Damian Wayne**

What, Drake? Have you lost it?

 

**Cass**

Do not get him started please

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Please, listen to Cass.

 

**tim**

;D

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Tim, go the fuck to bed.

 

**Dick!**

No!

I mean, yes! Sleep is important!!!

But wait a second!

Alfie wants everyone home for dinner this Saturday. Tim, back from your apartment. Jason, back from wherever-the-fuck. Cass, back from Hong Kong. Me, back from Bludhaven. Dami, back from SF.

 

**tim**

yeah sure whatevr

 

**Cassandra**

I’ll be there

 

**Damian Wayne**

I suppose I can make it.

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

No.

 

**Dick!**

Please?

For Alfred?

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

For Alfie, anything. For you, no.

I guess I’ll see you assholes later.

 

**Dick!**

I don’t know whether to be annoyed or ecstatic.

 

**tim**

take the win

 

-

 

**New Chat**

**Members** **: tim, Conner**

 

**tim**

HELP

KON

CONNER

H E LP

911

 

**Conner**

WHAT   
ARS YOU OKAY

TIM?????

 

**tim**

what yeah im fine

 

**Conner**

what the fuck

 

**tim**

dont b mad

dick is making everyone come over for dinner

 

**Conner**

nevermind. reaction valid.

 

**tim**

i cant do this i cant do this

conner

CONNRE

 

**Conner**

what do you want me 2 do?

 

**tim**

…

idk

 

**Conner**

itll b ok, dude

are we still on for dinner tonight?

 

**tim**

yeah

 

**Conner**

we’ll talk about it then, ok?

 

**tim**

sure! thanks for everythin kon

 

**Conner**

what are friends for?

 

-

 

 **Chat** **: tim is a pining idiot**

 **Members** **: Steph, tim, Cass**

 

**tim**

IM SO FUCKED

 

**Steph**

what happened this time timothy

 

**tim**

we’re getting DINNER  


**Cass**

This is good right

 

**tim**

and he said DUDE and THATS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

 

**Cass**

Ah i am seeing the issue

 

**Steph**

ah, timmers, im sorry DUDE

 

**tim**

dont even start

 

**Cass**

Why do you not just ask him on a date?

 

-

 

 **Chat** **: Bruce Wayne’s Abundance of Orphans**

 **Members** **: Dick!, tim, Not Jason Todd He’s Dead, Cass, Damian Wayne**

 

**tim**

because i CANT and hed KILL ME and then ill be SAD cass help me 

oh shit

wrong chat sorry

 

**Cass**

Haha

 

**Damian Wayne**

Of course, Drake. We expect nothing less than your idiocracy.

 

**Dick!**

Are you okay, Tim?

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

???

 

**tim**

yeah bye

 

-

 

 **Chat** **: tim is a pining idiot**

 **Members** **: Cass, Steph, tim**

 

**tim**

im so fucking dead

 

**Steph**

??

 

**Cass**

Tim sent “because i CANT and hed KILL ME and then ill be SAD cass help me” in the family chat

 

**tim**

the family of DETECTIVES

 

**Steph**

hahahahah idiot

 

**tim**

theyre asking who im talking about fuck me

 

**Steph**

been there, done that, moved on  

 

**Cass**

Ew

 

**tim**

^^

 

**Steph**

oh stop it you two

 

**tim**

damian and jason are never gonna drop this

 

**Cass**

I wish you luck

 

-

 

**New Chat**

**Members** **: Not Jason Todd He’s Dead, Damian Wayne, Dick!, Cass**

 

**Dick!**

Time to figure out what’s bothering Timmy.

 

**Damian Wayne**

Why should I?   


**Dick!**

He is your brother!

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Twenty bucks says that it’s the clone.   
Cass, what do you say?

 

**Cass**

No comment

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Called it.

 

**Dick!**

How’d you know?!!

 

**Damian Wayne**

Yes, do tell. I’m so curious.

That was sarcasm, but now I want to talk to Jon.

 

**Dick!**

Damiii

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

I know Tim.

And also I have eyes, morons.

 

**Dick! Changed the name to Tim and Kon, sitting in a tree!.**

 

**Dick!**

Okay, okay

Now we just have to get them together

 

**Cass**

Maybe we should not meddle

 

**Dick! has removed Cass from the Chat**

 

**Dick!**

Anyone else?

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

I would like to threaten another Bat-Boyfriend.

 

**Damian Wayne**

I had forgotten about that, Todd.

 

**Dick!**

Omg don’t!! Wally is still scared of you

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Good. Fucker.

 

**Dick!**

Aww you do care!

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Fuck you.

 

**Damian Wayne**

Subtle.

 

-

 

 **Chat** **: tim is a pining idiot**

 **Members** **: Cass, Steph, tim**

 

**Cass**

So there’s a chat already tim

Jason figured it out

 

**tim**

fuCK FUCK FUCK

OH MY GOD

 

**Steph**

cass, make sure jay doesnt have guns. he may pretend not to care, but wally nearly got shot when dick and him came out. it was almost a legit shovel talk, ending in a grave.

 

**tim**

were not even dating tho

 

**Steph**

yes bc jason todd listens to logic

 

**Cass**

That is true

 

**tim**

fuck youre right

 

**Steph**

ahh, brothers

 

**Cass**

^^ You’ve got that right

 

**Steph**

omg what did damian say

 

**Cass**

Not much but i think he’s going to ask jon about conner

 

**tim**

FUCK MY ACTUAL ENTIRE LIFE

 

**Steph**

stop i already used my sex joke

 

-

 

**New Chat**

**Members** **: tim, Conner**

 

**tim**

please please please ignore anything and everything my siblings may or may not send you

 

**Conner**

ok?

 

-

 

 **Chat** **: Tim and Conner, sitting in a tree**

 **Members** **: Not Jason Todd He’s Dead, Damian Wayne, Dick!**

 

**Not Jason Todd He’s Dead**

Dickhead. Send me the clone’s number.

 

-

 

**New Chat**

**Members** **: Unknown, Conner**

 

**Unknown**

Hello, Kent.

 

**Conner**

Uh. Hi?

I’m assuming you’re a Wayne?

 

**Unknown**

No.

 

**Conner**

That’s a yes.   
So. Dick?

 

**Unknown**

This is irrelevant.

 

**Conner**

Jason, then.

 

**Conner has saved Unknown as Jason?**

 

**Jason?**

That is also irrelevant.

 

**Conner has changed Jason? to Definitely Jason**

 

**Conner**

Tim told me not to talk to you.

 

**Definitely Jason**

About Timothy. We need to talk.

 

**-**

 

**New Chat**

**Members** **: Not Jason Todd He’s Dead, tim**

 

**tim**

JASON “WE NEED TO TALK”

  


**Author's Note:**

> comment if u want more!
> 
> tumblr is @cazei


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